Sunday, April 27, 2008

Happy birthday dear Stephen!

Teresa threw me a very dramatic and psychedelic birthday party; it seemed my just reward, after hosting many similar parties for others but having never really been the recipient. It began when Nefi Ledezma came to my door and bade me come with him. I did. He brought me to a white van, from which Nazis appeared and jumped me, throwing a blanket over my head and stuffing me in the back of the van with them. Their German was really bad and quite funny. They sounded strangely similar to Jon Fairbanks, Adam Stallard, Josh Peavler and Eric Gashler.

They dumped me on a lawn, then disappeared. When I removed the blanket, I saw that I was standing in front of the house of Peavler. I went in and was met by a Heather Peavler. She was dressed very eccentrically, and I noticed that she was but one of a large gathering of very eccentrically dressed people, quietly socializing amid a dark room with mysterious music in the background. None of them appeared to see or hear me except for Heather. She asked me a riddle, which I took a few hints to guess, and then she told me to go to the man in the rainbow stocking. When I approached the man in the rainbow stocking, only then did he acknowledge my existence, and he likewise presented me with a puzzle. This pattern continued, as I went from strange person to stranger person, all of whom strangely resembled my friends.Some of the challenges were: riddles, logic puzzles, a mathematical problem, mind-reading, yodelling, name-that-drawing, catching food in my mouth, defeating a karate man, stacking cups, a painful callisthenic and wrangling my body around a broom.
My friend Monte Emerson, in Washington, regretted that he couldn't make it, so he arranged to have a hand puppet fill in for him:One of the strange people especially caught my eye. She was a clown, and the most beautiful clown I'd ever seen. I was anxious to face her challenge, which turned out to be a yodelling contest, as only then would she see and hear me. I found out later that she was my wife. FYI, of course I smoked her in yodelling, I being the former yodelling champion of Timpview High.

The most difficult challenge of all was a game we played outside in which I had to tag every person and then run back to my side of the field without being tackled, all the while saying the word syphilis without taking a single breath. It was hard. Thanks, Teresa, it was a blast, and I felt truly loved. Oh, I forgot to mention the best part of the evening. My birthday cake was Tres Leches.